Junk

Wow. I am up and awake, and I woke up in a terrible mood. Guess I should grab some coffee........Someone, of course, said something this morning that totally set me off. But then, what's new!? Do you know, that ever since I got back in church, I have had to fight pure hell? And I am talking MAJOR things. I guess if I weren't doing something right, the devil would be leaving me alone. Well, too bad, devil. I changed my mind.

I am honestly at breaking point, but nobody would know that unless I told them. God is the only glue holding me together right now. I am not going to complain about what all has gone haywire in my life. But I will tell you- it's not a bed of roses. It's a wilderness. And I think God is taking me thorugh it for a reason. I just have to keep my eyes fixated on the fact that it's not a walk by sight. I must walk believing that SOMEDAY (soon, I hope), God will take me out of this situation.

Thinking about my Huck today. Yeah, that's what I call Tony. He really encourages me to pray and read my Bible. I am thankful God put him in my path. <3


My mind is full of junk today. Seriously. Things I shouldn't be worrying about. Things I shouldn't be thinking. Things, things, and more things. Junk. I guess I need to give my "junk" to God.


Well, I guess I need to roll up outta here. :)

~Ginger

Well, It's been a few days since I last posted a blog. Been quite busy with school and other things. Dropped a few classes, added a few more. Now, I think I have everything settled. We will see. I love my Spanish class. And Animal Science is okay- I already know most of what we are gonna learn. But hey- an easy grade is fine by me. Livestock evaluation is boring as can be. Stagecraft was lame, so I switched it for Cultural Anthropology. 13 hours, 4 classes.


I could tell you that I have been solving the world's problems, but I've totally had someone on my mind....


Do I believe in fairytales? Nah. Not really.


The idea of Prince Charming riding in on a white horse and rescuing me is somewhat sickening. i don't know. The thought of it makes my stomach turn. Give me a country boy in a pickup truck, and that's my kinda fairytale.


So... I've kinda been talking to someone. He is sweet as pecan pie, and country as can be. It's weird. We were drawn to each other from the start. He is a few years younger than me- I am seriously robbing the cradle. But, I like him. ALOT! I hadn't planned on meeting anyone. In fact, I'd had it in my mind that God had totally forgotten about my lack of someone special.


Either way, I am scared senseless about the whole thing. A friend told me that being scared is a sign of it being a good relationship in the making. I don't know what in the world God has planned. I just know that Tony is someone who has alot of love to give. I am glad that we are taking things slow- just letting our friendship grow and develop naturally.

On to other things...


Did you know that a young male goat is called a Buckling? And a young female is a Doeling? :)


Peace Out.

This year....

A year ago, I would have never thought I'd be where I am today. Out of the bars, and back in church. I never thought God could and would forgive me for who I'd become. It's almost overwhelming how God has placed me in a church of people who love me. Who WANT to see me do works for God. Who let me make mistakes, and let me wear my feelings on my shoulders- but at the same time, push me to grow in God.


After being hurt badly by the ministry, and thinking I'd given up on the hurt and the pain, I never thought I'd sit under a pastor who believed in me. Who would REFUSE to give up on me when I gave up on myself. And sit under a pastor's wife, who wasn't out to persecute me when I made mistakes.


I look back over the past year, and ohhhh, it's been a year. But God. He has proved faithful. His mercy reached down to where I was and brought me out yet again. And I won't lie. Coming back isn't easy. As my pastor told the church Sunday night- "Ginger's been fighting nothing but pure Hell." And he is right. I don't fight temptation to go out and get drunk. I don't fight lust. I don't fight wanting to go back to where I came from.


The devil knows I am sold. Not on the market. But he knows how to attack me with depression, condemnation of my past, and PEOPLE! Oh... People. But I fight. I show up to church even when I don't wanna. And you all know how stubborn I am. When I don't wanna do something, I simply don't do it. But by putting my flesh in check, and driving 40 miles to church, I can honestly say that I am able to be fed. I am able to be renewed. If I have to pray through every single service, (which I did for the first 3 months I was back in church ), then so be it. I am still there. And the Devil knows I am not playin' around this time.


Next year I will fulfill a lifelong dream of being able to go on the Missions field for 2 months. I will be going to Spain. Another (week long) trip came up before hand, and the door closed almost as quickly as it opened. I was hurt. Nevertheless, I submitted myself into the hands of God. And when I did, God opened up the right door. He does that, ya know.


I know I am rambling. But I hope that someone is reading this and gaining strenth. I hope your faith has been lifted, and that you have gained a some positive nuggets. You don't HAVE to struggle when you submit.

Fasting...

Our church will be going into 40 days of prayer and fasting at the end of this month. The fat chick in me is NOT looking forward to that. But the Jesus in me is. Several weeks back, God quickened my heart. He told me that I needed to begin to prepare for an extended fast. So I did. However, I have jumped off the bandwagon, and have not been able to hold to my end of the bargain.

So, this week, (actually today) I re-start my preparation, since Pastor Williams called us to fast.

Speaking of fasting. You know, God doesn't have to lay it on our hearts to fast- it should be second nature in the crucifying of our flesh. We shouldn't have to 'wait for God to speak', to fast.
Fasting kills our Sinful man.

Now, me, being diabetic- I don't think God expects me to be crazy about it and go on a full fledged water-only fast. My plan is to be on a liquid only fast, by the time Day 1 of 40 gets here.
I don't think God judges us by what we don't eat, but the effort we put into it, and the attitude we have while partaking in a fast.

I personally look at fasting as a way to kill the hateful part of who I am. Seriously. Right now, there are people- even within my own church- that I would like to snatch baldheaded. But by fasting, I kill that woman who wants to act out against those people. I kill the flesh that lusts for things of the world, and pride of life. It cleanses me of sexual temptation and illicit thoughts, that we, as humans, adamically (naturally) have. And it changes that nature.

Why in the world would I not want to kill THAT kind of mindset? God hates sin. He hates iniquity. He hates lust. He hates doubt and unbelief. He cringes when we fall prey to our fleshly desires.

That being said, if you see me weak, remind me of this blog post. haha.

A Bible, A Sign, and A Landmark

I had gone to a service at Bro. James Boatman's church. And as everyone knows, I am a leaver. I leave things EVERYWHERE I go. Well, in this case, I left the Bible that had been given to me shortly after I received the Holy Ghost, by my former pastor. I was so distraut that I'd lost it, and I called the church, only to have Sis. Tamara Boatman tell me that it wasn't there. I gave her my number and address, and asked her to send it to me if she ever found it. That was back in 2001.

After a long road of backsliding, a bad marriage, and a world of bitterness, I moved back home from San Angelo. I honestly at that time had absolutely no clue of what I was supposed to be doing, or where I was supposed to be living. It was totally crazy. So, I asked God for a sign. He'd have to show me if it was His will for me to stay out in East Texas and go to First Pentecostal church of Daingerfield.

Thank God for Facebook. I logged in after a time away from it, and had several messages. one of which, was from Sis. Boatman. She had found my Bible. Nine years after I'd left it there. I'd gotten my answer from God. It was a sign 9 years in the making. God knew that I would need a major sign to let me know I was on the right track.

Thanks, Sis. Boatman, for sending me my Bible back! It now sits (very worn, and well used) in my new curio cabinet, as a reminder each and every day, that I am right where God placed me. There will be no lies of the enemy that can tell me that I am not in the Will of God anymore. That Bible is a landmark, and a testimony of the forgiveness, and restorative power of Jesus Christ.

There's Got To Be More To Life Than....

I am so amazed that the God of all creation, chose me. A filthy mouthed, drug abusing teenager. Fourteen years old, backtalking my momma, and sleeping around with boys older than my big brothers. But the Lord saw not who I was, and what I did, but who I would become. And now, after several years of running from Him, here I am. Living for Him. Loving Him. And doing His work. Some of you are set apart- you know I am talking to you. You know there's SOMETHING different about the way God made you.

If you're at a point in your life, to where you need something- To where you KNOW there's more. You know there's got to be more than what you've been taught. You know there's got to be a way other than the way you're living. Momma can't pull you into Heaven. The preacher you see once a month, (and sometimes once a year) can't pray you into Heaven. You've got to do it the right way. His way.

If any of you want a Bible Study on the fundamentals of Christian living, I definitely have one that I can give you. There was a time in my life that I thought what I believed was gonna get me into Heaven. But I did this bible Study- straight from a King James version Bible I bought from walmart. And I realized.... there was more. And now I am so glad I found it!

Encouragement...

I was so proud of our young ministers tonight. Two of them preached their very first mini-message. My heart really smiled when Bro. Zach, my 'little brother", got up there and preached. When Bro. Stan took off his tie, and draped it across Zach's shoulders, it brought tears to our eyes.

You see, in our church, that is our way of showing the man of God mad props, or saying "Woo! Preach it!". And after zach had given it all he had, Stan upped his confidence. I immediately felt the Holy Ghost. It was such a sweet time.

I said all that to say that we must, as christians, be aware of those around us. Lift our fellow church family up. Quit zeroing in each other's past failures, and encourage each other to do our best!