This year....

A year ago, I would have never thought I'd be where I am today. Out of the bars, and back in church. I never thought God could and would forgive me for who I'd become. It's almost overwhelming how God has placed me in a church of people who love me. Who WANT to see me do works for God. Who let me make mistakes, and let me wear my feelings on my shoulders- but at the same time, push me to grow in God.


After being hurt badly by the ministry, and thinking I'd given up on the hurt and the pain, I never thought I'd sit under a pastor who believed in me. Who would REFUSE to give up on me when I gave up on myself. And sit under a pastor's wife, who wasn't out to persecute me when I made mistakes.


I look back over the past year, and ohhhh, it's been a year. But God. He has proved faithful. His mercy reached down to where I was and brought me out yet again. And I won't lie. Coming back isn't easy. As my pastor told the church Sunday night- "Ginger's been fighting nothing but pure Hell." And he is right. I don't fight temptation to go out and get drunk. I don't fight lust. I don't fight wanting to go back to where I came from.


The devil knows I am sold. Not on the market. But he knows how to attack me with depression, condemnation of my past, and PEOPLE! Oh... People. But I fight. I show up to church even when I don't wanna. And you all know how stubborn I am. When I don't wanna do something, I simply don't do it. But by putting my flesh in check, and driving 40 miles to church, I can honestly say that I am able to be fed. I am able to be renewed. If I have to pray through every single service, (which I did for the first 3 months I was back in church ), then so be it. I am still there. And the Devil knows I am not playin' around this time.


Next year I will fulfill a lifelong dream of being able to go on the Missions field for 2 months. I will be going to Spain. Another (week long) trip came up before hand, and the door closed almost as quickly as it opened. I was hurt. Nevertheless, I submitted myself into the hands of God. And when I did, God opened up the right door. He does that, ya know.


I know I am rambling. But I hope that someone is reading this and gaining strenth. I hope your faith has been lifted, and that you have gained a some positive nuggets. You don't HAVE to struggle when you submit.